Saturday Edition — Local Board

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EAST OF TAMPA — SATURDAY EDITION —
Local Board
Jobs, services, Ask John, and the comics section. Pour yourself a coffee.

Good morning, neighbors

Father's Day is tomorrow. If you're reading this with a coffee and a clear conscience, good for you. If you're reading this because you suddenly remembered you have a dad and nothing to give him, keep scrolling. We've got you in the classifieds.

Same as always: no algorithm, no trending audio, no "link in bio." Just the Saturday paper, the way it was before you had to doomscroll to find out what was happening in your own neighborhood.

Grab your coffee. Read the classifieds. Check Ask John. Don't skip the funnies.

We'll see you Tuesday. The internet will still be there.

— East of Tampa. Est. 2026. Printed on zero paper.

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EAST OF TAMPA • SATURDAY CLASSIFIEDS

Brandon • Riverview • FishHawk • Apollo Beach • Lithia
Saturday, June 20, 2026 • Vol. 22
"All the news that's fit to forward to your mom"
═══════════════════════════════════════

▌▌ THE FRONT PAGE ▌▌

KARATE — MARK THE DATE, VALRICO PARENTS — Here's one worth planning around. July 1–15 only, Action Karate River Hills Plaza is running an introductory offer: two full weeks of classes plus a free uniform for $29. That's a $108 value, ages 3 and up, no contracts, no risk. Rated 5/5 by 54 local families. Mr. K doesn't just teach kicks, he builds the kind of quiet confidence you see in a kid the first time they pull off something hard. Spots are limited and the window is short. (813) 535-4191 actionkarate.net

▌▌ HELP WANTED ▌▌

SWIM INSTRUCTOR — Local swim school seeks patient adult who love teaching children + are fine being wet all day. No exp nec. Will train. $15–18/hr. Flexible hrs. Riverview. Calling all former lifeguards, college kids, and anyone who peaked at the pool. Apply: watermelonswim.com/careers

FRONT DESK — Same swim school. Must smile. Must answer phones. Must not lose your mind when Karen calls to reschedule for the 4th time. Base + commission. Outgoing types only. Riverview. Apply: watermelonswim.com/careers

DOG LOVER NEEDED — Riverview dog boarding + daycare seeks pet care specialist. $14–15/hr. Paid training. Health ins. Shifts available. Every single shift ends with tail wags. This is not a metaphor. Apply: indeed.com/q-canine-cabana-l-riverview,-fl-jobs.html

RESTORATION TECH — You ever want to be the person who shows up when everything's gone wrong and actually fixes it? That's this job. Water + fire damage restoration. Paid training. SERVPRO, Brandon/Riverview. Apply: servpro.com/locations/fl/servpro-of-brandon-north-riverview/careers

SHIFT LEAD — PIZZA — Local pizza joint. Lead the team. Run the shift. Eat the cheesecake stromboli. QSR background preferred. No mgmt exp req'd. Real path up for people who show up. Valrico. Apply: indeed.com/cmp/Stoner's-Pizza-Joint/jobs

HORSE CARETAKER — YMCA equestrian facility. Feed horses. Clean stable. Repeat. $14/hr+. Must be 16+. Must be okay with horses. Horses do not negotiate. Riverview. Apply: indeed.com/q-camp-cristina-l-riverview,-fl-jobs.html

SUMMER CAMP STAFF — Cedarkirk Camp, Lithia. Counselors, lifeguards, leadership. Seasonal. Kids remember good counselors for the rest of their lives. The bad ones too, honestly. Apply: cedarkirk.org/summer-camp/summer-staff

IN-HOME CAREGIVER / CNA — East Hillsborough. Mornings, evenings, overnights. HHA cert or CNA license req'd. Meaningful work that doesn't feel like work. Apply: indeed.com/q-Family-First-Homecare-l-Florida-jobs.html

▌▌ SERVICES OFFERED ▌▌

HOUSE CLEANING — Former teacher and mom of four spent 20 years hiring cleaning companies that let her down. So she built the one she always wanted. Eco-friendly. Insured + bonded. FishHawk, Lithia, Riverview, Brandon, Valrico, Apollo Beach. Call Dionne. She actually shows up. (813) 670-2004 • maidpurecleaningservices.com

ROOFING — PUT DOWN THE CHECKBOOK — Shingles drying out? Don't replace. Rejuvenate. Plant-based treatment adds 5–10 yrs of roof life. Cost: fraction of replacement. Honesty policy: if you actually need a new roof, we'll say so. Free insp. Hillsborough Co. roofrejuvenatesh.com • (813) 652-2777

EQUIPMENT FOR RENT — Excavators. Skid steers. Boom lifts. Dump trailers. Day/wk/mo. Delivery avail. Veteran + family owned. Located Riverview off Rhodine Rd. We are not Home Depot. You will not wait 45 min for help. (813) 322-2668 • gainesrentals.com

TOWING — 24/7 — REAL HUMAN ANSWERS — Call us and the driver picks up. Not a menu. Not "press 2 for roadside." The actual guy in the actual truck, telling you exactly when he's there. Also: will check your insurance first. Tow may be free. Don't say we didn't tell you. (813) 405-5973 • riverviewfltowing.com

WATER DAMAGE + LEAK DETECTION — H2O Detections. Finds the leak without demolishing your walls. Thermal imaging, sonar, infrared. Then fixes it. Start to finish. Free estimates. Veteran discount. Hurricane season started June 1. This is not a drill. 941-545-7612 • h2odetections.com

LAWN CARE — Tampa Bay Pro Services. Your yard. Mowed, edged, pressure washed, cleaned up. All of East Hillsborough. The yard you've been meaning to get to since March. (813) 770-8721

PLUMBING — Ivy Plumbing. Licensed. Local. Will not quote you one number and bill you another. All of East Hillsborough. Emergencies welcome. www.ivyplumbingservices.com • (813) 590-1443

SEAWALL — Integrity Seawalls. Installation, construction, repair. Apollo Beach, Brandon, Sarasota, St. Pete. If you live on the water, you already know what a failing seawall costs. Free estimates. www.integrityseawalls.com • (813) 535-1634

ICE MACHINE CLEANING — Clean Ice LLC. Commercial. Sanitize + maintain. If you haven't thought about what's living in your ice machine, this is the sign. All Tampa Bay. www.cleanyourice.com • 786-553-5947

JUNK REMOVAL — Trinity Junk Removal. The garage has been "getting cleaned out" since 2022. Call it. Riverview crew. Same-day. 850+ five-star reviews. They donate + recycle instead of landfill. At least something good comes from all that junk. (813) 426-9257 • trinityjunkremovalinc.net

▌▌ FOR SALE ▌▌

PIZZA — Fresh daily dough. NY-style. Garlic knots. Cheesecake stromboli. Bloomingdale. People drive across town for this. You live here. stonerspizzajoint.com

BOWLING + SUMMER DEAL — 40 lanes. Full pub + grill. Kids Bowl Free all summer (2 free games/wkday, pay for shoes only). Brandon. kidsbowlfree.com

LIVING ART — Bonsai trees + Intro to Bonsai classes from a retired firefighter who has been growing them in Thonotosassa for years. Father's Day is TOMORROW. A bonsai becomes part of his morning coffee routine for the next decade. A tie does not. Mon–Sat 9–4, Sun 12+. (813) 502-5940 • artisansbonsai.com

APPAREL — "For the men and women of the struggle: parenthood / gym lifestyle." $28. Local. Veteran-owned. If you order right now, you're cutting it close, but local pickup might still save you. fitparentbod-apparel.com/products/veteran-mission

▌▌ REAL ESTATE ▌▌

HOMES — LOCAL EXPERT — Madison Patron, Keller Williams Suburban Tampa. Valrico-based. Twin mom. Law enforcement wife. Knows East Hillsborough street by street. Buying, selling, or just Zillow-spiraling at midnight. She doesn't judge. (813) 955-9092 • madison-patron.kw.com

▌▌ LEGAL NOTICES ▌▌

IMMIGRATION LAW — One wrong form. One missed deadline. Years lost. Attorney Kou Jacobo, Esq. has traveled state to state defending detained immigrants and won asylum cases at the Texas border. K&D Law. Virtual practice. Visas, green cards, deportation defense, family petitions, personal injury. (786) 475-3163 • kanddlaw.com

FAMILY LAW + PERSONAL INJURY — 30+ years in Tampa Bay. Divorce, custody, alimony, accidents. Free consultations. The right attorney changes everything. Brandon. (813) 854-1234 • glaroslaw.com

▌▌ SENIOR LIVING ▌▌

ASSISTED LIVING — ACTUALLY FEELS LIKE HOME — Three family-owned residential homes in Brandon + Valrico. Real home cooking. 24/7 caregivers. Personalized care. Not a facility. A family. Under $3,000/mo. Vhin Cares. (813) 678-2363 • vhincares.com

▌▌ WEDDINGS ▌▌

OFFICIANT — Army veteran. Builds your ceremony around your story, not a laminated script. Comes to you wherever the day takes place. Backyard, beach, barn, boat. We do not recommend the boat, but we support you. (813) 384-7549 • hitchedbyhendrix.com

▌▌ ENTERTAINMENT ▌▌

WEEKLY EVENTS — Boulevard Supper Club, FishHawk. Music bingo, trivia, karaoke, ladies' night. Wine + Locker Club events for members. 15260 FishHawk Blvd, Lithia • blvdsupperclub.com

▌▌ BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES ▌▌

1,000,000 NEIGHBORS ARE READING THIS. If your business should be in here, reply to this email. We write the ad. You get the eyeballs. East Hillsborough's only hyperlocal paper. 5,000+ subscribers. Est. 2026.

▌▌ ASK JOHN ▌▌
Advice for East Hillsborough and Beyond
(We are not responsible for outcomes)

Each week, a neighbor writes in. John answers. Occasionally correctly.

Dear John, It's the night before Father's Day and I've done nothing for my husband. The kids made cards. I have a plan-sized hole where a plan should be. What do I do at this hour? — Out of Time in Apollo Beach

Dear Out of Time, You have more runway than you think. Order Stoner's Pizza tomorrow so nobody's fighting a brunch crowd. Take him bowling at Brandon Crossroads Bowl, kids bowl free, so you look generous and frugal at once. And if there's a Father's Day morning left to save, a bonsai from Artisans Bonsai beats anything you'd panic-buy at a gas station tonight. Move with purpose. — John

Dear John, My father-in-law is coming to stay for a week and the guest bathroom has a slow leak I've been "monitoring" for three months. Monitoring means ignoring. He notices everything. Help. — Exposed in Lithia

Dear Exposed, A man who notices everything will notice a water stain at fifty paces. Call H2O Detections before he arrives. They find the leak without knocking your wall apart, which matters because you do not have time to repaint before Thursday. Fix it now and take the credit for being the kind of homeowner who stays on top of things. He never has to know it was three months. — John

Dear John, Father's Day is tomorrow and I AM the dad. Nobody has asked me what I want. I have hinted. I have left tabs open. Nothing. Is it rude to just tell them? — Invisible in Riverview

Dear Invisible, It is not rude. It is a public service. Hinting is a strategy that works on nobody. Tell them plainly: you want the morning off, a real breakfast, and for someone else to handle the grill. If they ask for gift ideas, send them this newsletter and let the classifieds do the work. And if it all falls through, you have my permission to bowl alone with dignity. — John

(P.S. If you're the dad reading this for ideas about yourself, see above. You're still on your own, but lovingly so.)

Have a question for John? Hit reply. He reads everything. Questions may be edited for length. All advice is free and worth exactly that.

▌▌ THE FUNNIES ▌▌

That's me. Dad, Husband, Coach, Bucs Fan and... East of Tampa Guy.

Thanks for reading. See you Tuesday!
-John
The East of Tampa Guy

P.S. We're in the process of fixing how we handle event submissions. Starting next week, we'll have a dedicated form so everything comes in the same format and nothing falls through the cracks. Lately we've been getting events in so many different ways that it's been hard to keep up, and that's on us to fix, not you. Our whole goal with the events section is to shine a light on what this community is actually doing. There's so much good stuff happening east of Tampa and we want to cover all of it. We just need a better system to do it right. Thanks for your patience. The form drops next week.